Fairies, Dykes, and other Mythological Creatures

By: Dani Langevin – October, 2011

Yes, Linda Harvey, there really are gay people. In case you are not familiar with her, Linda Harvey is a marketing mogul. She has started multiple publications spearheading multi-million dollar marketing campaigns. She is the founder of Mission America, a Christian, pro-family and highly anti-gay organization. Some of the statements, accusations and comments Harvey has made in the past about the LGBT community have echoed what has been said by all right wing, conservative, anti-gay activists for years. Such as, gay marriage should not be accepted and gay teachers are a danger to our children’s minds.

According to Harvey via the Right Wing March, “Kids should not be put in the confusing position of having a teacher they like and respect in many ways who’s also known to be practicing homosexual behavior.” She even went so far to say, “No homosexuality should be in our schools, period.” So, should we be expelling our gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered students? I suppose we should eliminate those open stalls in the boy’s room and one-room showers. No more patting each other on the butts during sports games. And be careful of high fives and fist bumps because they could evolve into other body parts bumping together.

Those are all old school thoughts of process from the anti-gay right-wingers, but Harvey begins to push the envelope. First she starts by aligning Muslim extremists with gays, lesbians, feminists and progressives. In Harvey’s eyes we all hate the West, freedom and worst of all Jesus Christ. This woman has clearly been sniffing way too much bleach when washing the sheets on which her sins were made. Most of the people I know in the gay community believe and worship Jesus Christ, as well as, savor their American freedom.

I’d like to know where she is getting her information. I have read about white, male, Christian terrorist attacks and Muslim extremist terrorist attacks and groups of so called Christians attacking abortion clinics, but I have yet to read in the news of any member of the gay community committing any sort of terrorist attack on any group of people. So, who is emulating Christ in these scenarios?

What really made my jaw drop along with practically pissing myself with laughter was her recent claim that programs to support and respect the LGBT community should not exist because, “There’s one big fact that’s not backed up. There is no proof that there’s ever anything like a gay, lesbian or bisexual or transgendered child, or teen or human.”

Harvey is actually suggesting that homosexuality does not exist. There are no homosexuals at all. Seriously? I’m willing to bet this gay educator’s paycheck that Ms. I’m Superior to you because I’m Christian and I don’t believe that gays are real once told her children to be good or Santa Claus won’t bring them any gifts. I bet, too, that she hid Easter eggs every spring, tucked a dollar bill under her kids’ pillow when they lost a tooth and told them to rub a rabbit’s foot because it was good luck. No gay people, my pink eye.

She says there’s not proof. What proof does she need? Perhaps the five states with legal gay marriage should send her all of the marriage certificates that show same sex couples in legal committed relationships. We sure has hell can’t prove it through a sexual encounter. Have you seen this woman?

No respectful lesbian would touch her with a ten foot . She wouldn’t be convinced that a man was gay if they didn’t want to bed her because, let’s face it, Linda Harvey’s dance card was never full. And if none of us exist, why is she spending so much time, energy, Internet and radio space fighting against us. What would she do if we really didn’t exist? Who would she go after? I have to think that her marketing career wouldn’t be as successful as it is if it weren’t for us queers.

I’m tired of wasting any more of my time and energy on this malignancy. I’m going to get on my winged unicorn, fly to my enchanted castle and get ready for my magical ball. Hopefully the seven little men I hired to clean and keep up the grounds have done their job. Shhhhh, they’re illegal. I’m paying them in pixie dust under the table.