UN Human Rights Commission Demands a Full Accounting of US Raid in Pakistan



May, 2011


So let’s give it to them. We think it should go something like this:

We really appreciate your interest in our recent raid into Pakistan to deliver a bit of justice to Osama bin Laden, the mastermind of an attack on our country that killed nearly 3000 innocent humans of all races, religions and ethnicities.

Here is what happened. After figuring out where the SOB was hiding, we gathered together 40 of the smartest, strongest, and best trained warriors in the world and started to train them for this mission. While these are usually the nicest, family-oriented guys you could possibly imagine, they just happen to have this mean streak that makes them want to kill known terrorists.

After completing their training we sent them to Afghanistan and loaded them on four really cool, high-tech stealth helicopters. We made sure each of them had night vision goggles, helmet cameras, reactive armor vests, automatic rifles and lots of ammo and explosives. You wouldn’t want to bump into them in a dark alley if you were a terrorist, which we know some of you are!

So off they went into the night while Osama was kicking back with his many wives thinking that the Pakistani Intelligence Service had his back!

Things went just as we had hoped! We bumped into a couple couriers and Osama’s son as we forced our way into the compound. A couple in the head shots ended their plans for the evening!

Up the stairs our heroes went. Osama, hearing the commotion, stuck his head out of a third story bedroom door. A few quick rounds from an AK-47 was all it took to have him duck back inside and jump behind the nearest woman.

Unfortunately, because of Osama’s cowardice, our guys had to wound the not-so-innocent woman so they could get a clear shot at the terrorist shmuck. It wasn’t long before we put an end to this evil bastard. It is unfortunate that we didn’t have time to water board him, but you can’t have everything.

While some of our guys dragged the filthy varmint to a helicopter, others grabbed every computer memory device, cell phone, file, credit card, camera, and picture they could find so that our CIA can identify other terrorists to kill and foil any pending terrorist attacks.

Hey, maybe we will find you or some of your friends mentioned in these documents. Wouldn’t that send a chill up your spine?

Well, that about sums it up. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

Have a nice day, but don’t sleep too soundly … we might be paying you a visit.